Monday, June 20, 2011

Why do gyms make me angry?

Right, so going to the gym should be a cleansing, invigorating and ultimately stress-reducing experience, right?  At least for me, that's usually the case.  Plus, I only stick to the pool, where the proportion of crazy is usually less.

So why am I annoyed by people there?

1. Dear guy drenched in CK1 - it's not 1994.  It never will be again.  Plus, you are not 19.  It's simply embarrassing for a man in his 30s to wear that much cologne, no matter the brand.  And you know what happens to cologne from your body when you jump in the pool?  It flavours the water.  No shit.  You should try swallowing the water that splashed when you jumped in.  It was like CK1 soup out there.

2. Dear lady rubbing your body with lotion - I am happy you are so very comfortable with your body.  But next time maybe you should do it with your crotch away from me?  I don't like staring at people's pubes 12 inches from my head.  Every time I see nude women walking about the locker room without actually making to get dressed, I get flashbacks of being in public bathhouses when I was little, and I cringe.  Also, you are too skinny, and not in a good way.

3. Dear gym management - I am glad you've finally installed a swim suit spinner.  Trouble is, it's the size of my trashcan, and weighs just as little.  Would it hurt you to either a) secure the damn thing to the ground or b) put up a sign that says "please hold the spinner down as it is bound to take flight under influence of centrifugal force"?  Also, try to empty out the plastic cup the spinner drains into every once in a while.

I can go on, but I am done bitching for the day.  Gym memberships (especially ones with swimming pools in the middle of an urban area) are fucking expensive, and I expect some level of reciprocity on the part of both other patrons and management.  At least the towels are clean.

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